DIL Play Transcript
Hey y’all ~ welcome to DIL Play
What I’m going to teach you now, is going to make any time you’re with your DIL, or even thinking about her, so much better. I call this DIL Play. It’s a fun little game that I can play in my mind, and nobody has to know I’m even playing it. I’ve been playing this game for a while now, and I’m getting pretty good at it.
So DIL Play is another thing I do to increase the connection with my adorable daughters-in-law. I know if I teach you the DIL Play game, it will help you feel more love for your DIL too.
I used to think there were only two ways to do things, basically right or wrong. Some of you may be thinking, yes LeAnn, there is my way, which is the right way. And then my DIL’s way, which is the wrong way. Well, what if we’re wrong about this?
Let’s use some terms that you may be more familiar with. There is the thought pattern that you may have noticed in yourself or in your DIL. It’s referred to as black and white thinking. Basically black and white thinking is defined as thoughts that people think, or they make people think, in absolutes. These thoughts swing from one extreme to the other extreme, believing something is all good or all bad.
Now, some of the words that come to mind when we’re observing black and white thinking are:
always/never
right/wrong
all in/all out
on/off
all/nothing
perfect/failure
Now I want you to imagine something in your mind. Black on the one end, and white on the other end. And all the space in between is the DIL Play area. And this is such a fun place to play.
The DIL Play area is the in between spectrum of the black or the white. DIL Play lacks clearly defined characteristics. It’s ambiguous, it’s uncertain. It’s all the space and mindset open to new ideas.
When we’re in the DIL Play area, what are some words that come up.
Always or never, becomes sometimes
Or becomes And
all or nothing become some
perfect or imperfect become good at some things and bad at others
The DIL Play game, invites us to utilize all this amazing space between the black and the white.
Now there’s a few strategies I use to help me excel at the DIL play game. I want to teach them to you so that you can get really good at this game too.
The first strategy, instead of the word OR use the word AND.
For example, my DIL tells me she is going to do something, but she doesn’t. My mind used to go to, I can ask her one more time OR never bring it up again.
Now the DIL Play strategy starts thinking of some other options. DIL tells me she is going to do something, but she doesn’t. So the situation is still the same. Remember that we can’t change our DIL. But instead of me thinking, I’ll ask her one more time OR never bring it up again. This is what I do. I tell myself, I can ask her again if I’d like AND I can see if there’s something else she can do instead AND I can check if something happened AND she simply may have forgotten AND I can plan for an alternative when she doesn’t do what she says AND I can love her.
All those ANDs sure feel better than the OR.
Now the second strategy in the DIL Play game is B- Work.
I used to think everything had to be perfect. My DIL is coming over and I need the house to be sparkling clean, and whatever time she’s coming or whatever timeframe she’ll be there, and possibly with my son and my grandkids or whoever, everything needs to be organized. Whatever is going to happen, it all needs to be A work. Well now, when I let the A work go and do DIL Play B- work, it’s so much better.
Does it really matter if things are messy and not organized? Sometimes I even request that my DIL help me with things. And interestingly enough, most of the time, she’s more than willing when I ask. Now if your DIL isn’t okay doing that, just remember that you get to show up doing B- work, and see how fun it is to play there.
Now the last strategy is called Equal Air Time.
Often we focus on all the negatives. Have you ever noticed this in yourself or in your DIL? Sometimes we don’t think that there are very many positives, but when we start looking for positive things, normally we find some.
So the next time you notice your brain going to everything that is wrong with what your DIL is doing, or saying, or thinking, challenge yourself to spend that same amount of time focusing on all the things that she does well, and that you appreciate, or even love about her. And if you can’t think of many things, start thinking about what your son loves about her.
So instead of only the black and the white, what about all the DIL Play area?
Now there’s a quote that I love by Brené Brown, and it says:
“The middle is messy, but it’s also where the magic happens.”
The DIL Play space is the messy middle, but it’s also where the magic happens.
So what magic are you going to create when you’re participating in the DIL Play game?
Well, you’ll probably feel less pressure.
Your expectations for your DIL and yourself will lighten up.
You won’t beat yourself up when you’re not doing things perfectly.
You’ll stop fighting against reality.
You won’t try to change what you can’t control.
So many magical things happen in the DIL Play game. So give it a try and have some fun.
Now there is a worksheet available with this video and transcript sharing the three strategies of the DIL Play game. So remember we have: instead of OR use AND, B- work, and Equal Air Time.
Use this worksheet, or journal, or anything to record and observe this new awareness you are developing with each one of these strategies. You are creating a new Lovin My DIL groove. And the more you practice, the stronger, deeper, and more natural, the connection to yourself and
your DIL will be.
Remember to bring any questions, concerns, or situations to our Tuesday Calls. This is a beautiful opportunity for me to coach you on anything. And take advantage of the many resources that are available for you in Lovin My Daughter-in-law Program as well.
Alright, have a good one y’all ~ and here’s to Lovin Me and My DIL.