DIL Boundaries
Hey y’all ~ welcome to DIL Boundaries
This way of creating a boundary that I’m going to teach you, will truly enhance the relationship you have with your DIL. As I’ve implemented these DIL boundaries when needed, it strengthens my emotional muscles, as well as the connection with my daughters in law.
A DIL Boundary is often thought of something you use to try to control your DIL, or to put distance between you and her. Not so in this case. How I like to teach boundaries is: a boundary is something you do for yourself. A DIL Boundary is your own emotional border, and it’s your job to maintain and enforce that border when necessary. Having a DIL boundary does not create distance. Instead, it allows for a more authentic connection between you and your DIL.
We all have emotional comfort zones, but most of us don’t do the work to understand that space and to protect it. Instead we use DIL violations to feel angry or resentful. Now, DIL Boundaries prevent you from needing to be angry with your DIL in order to maintain your personal and emotional space.
A DIL boundary includes a request you make of your DIL, to change a certain behavior. And a consequence of what you will do to self protect, if she violates the boundary again. Let me be clear about this. You make the request of your DIL from a loving space. Don’t do this when you’re angry. You’re setting this boundary because you love your DIL, not because you’re trying to control or change her.
This may be a difficult conversation, and she may not like it. You are creating a DIL Boundary because you value your relationship with her. And this is important to share with her as well.
Remember, you are making a request, not a demand. You can’t make your DIL do anything. You simply make the request, because your chances are much higher of her changing when you tell her what you want, instead of just silently hoping she’ll know.
Let me give you an example. Maybe your DIL is always late. You could interpret this as disrespectful and wrong, or you could decide to set a simple boundary: Hey DIL, I love you so much. And because I love you, and I value our relationship, I’d like to make a request of you. When we’re having our family meals together, or we’re meeting to eat out, I know you sometimes run late. I’ll wait for 15 minutes and then we’re going to start eating. I’m not going to be mad or upset at you. I just don’t want to wait longer than 15 minutes.
This simple boundary allows DIL to be who she wants to be, and behave how she wants to behave, while allowing you to protect yourself, your emotion, and your time.
Now, remember the second part of the DIL Boundary, is to follow through on the consequences you decide. This is often the part we skip. We tell our DIL about our boundary, and then when she’s not honoring it, we don’t do the action we said we’d do.
Our DIL, doesn’t have to honor our boundary request, but in order to honor ourselves and our emotional space, we do want to take the action we stated we do. The action that you take isn’t designed to punish your DIL. It’s simply designed to protect you. It doesn’t have to be dramatic,
but you must consistently follow through if you want to gain back your emotional space.
So in the example that I shared with DIL being late, you go ahead and start eating 15 minutes after the set time, whether she’s there or not.
Having a DIL Boundary conversation can be uncomfortable and challenging. And it is the beautiful work of true intimacy. Taking care of and honoring yourself rather than expecting DIL to do it for you, requires you to become a higher version of yourself. Allowing DIL to own her emotions and to feel however she wants, also requires you to access your higher self.
The most important thing to remember when setting a DIL Boundary, is to set it from a place of love. If you’re frustrated or angry, you’ll want to work through those emotions before you do any boundary work. Bring these issues to Lovin Me, and I can help you uncover what’s happening, so that you can create your DIL Boundary from a loving space.
When we take responsibility for our emotions, and explain our boundary to our DIL from a place of love. And set clear consequences for what will happen if it isn’t honored, and follow through with those. Then we continue to strengthen that connection with our DIL. I love me, And Then I love DIL.
That’s it. That’s how you create a DIL Boundary. A DIL Boundary is an amazing and wonderful thing. Yeah, sometimes it’s difficult to implement, and that’s why I’m here. And you can bring this to Lovin Me, so I can help you create and set this boundary. Setting a DIL Boundary is telling the truth to ourselves and to our DIL.
There is a worksheet available with this video and transcript sharing how to create your DIL Boundary. Use this, or journal, or anything, to record and observe the new awareness you’re developing.
You are creating a new Lovin My DIL groove. And the more you practice, the stronger, deeper, and more natural, the connection to yourself and your DIL will be.
Remember to bring any questions, concerns, or situations to our Tuesday Calls. This is a beautiful opportunity for me to coach you on anything. And use the many resources that are available for you in Lovin My Daughter-in-law Program as well.
Have a good one y’all ~ and here’s to Lovin Me and my DIL.