DIL T or F Transcript
Hey y’all ~ welcome to DIL T or F
What I’m going to teach you about T or F, is going to change the way you think about connecting with your DIL. When I understood the difference between T or F, it made loving my DIL so much easier, and loving myself a lot easier too.
So, what comes to mind when you hear T or F? My brain automatically goes to lots of tests where T or F, meaning true or false, were the two options.
Now we’re going to look at T or F a little differently today. When you think about T or F, I want you to think of thought or fact. This is a great point to pause the video, after I tell you this, and grab a piece of paper, or the worksheet that’s attached, or anything, and I want you to write down everything you think about your DIL, put it all on a piece of paper. Just write anything that comes to mind that has anything to do with your DIL.
So take five minutes, and whatever comes to your mind about it, write it down. Anything about your daughter-in-law. You can throw it away after if you’d like, all we’re doing is emptying our mind of anything that we’re thinking about DIL.
Alright, so hopefully you just wrote everything down. You did a little thought dump about DIL. So now, now that you have your list, and you’ve dumped everything out of your brain onto paper, I want you to go back through that list and differentiate between the thoughts and the facts.
So however you want to do this. You can highlight all the thoughts, and you can circle all the facts, or whatever you want to do. I just want you to be able to tell the difference between which ones are facts and which ones are thoughts, okay.
So let’s clarify something though. Lots of times we think that our thoughts are facts, but they’re not.
So what is a fact, a fact is something that everyone would agree on to be true. For example, my DIL is 23 years old, is a fact. I could get out her birth certificate and I could prove that she’s 23 years old. My DIL is rude, is not a fact. You may think it’s a fact, and you may believe it’s true, but everyone could not agree with you, and you wouldn’t be able to prove it in a court of law. Okay, so make sure when you go through, you’re checking to see, which is actually true, which is a total fact, and which one is my thought. So go back through your list, and notice which things about my DIL are actually facts, and which ones are thoughts, alright?
Okay, so now that you’ve done this, the reason why is simply so that you have an understanding, you have an awareness of these thoughts that you have about your DIL. Facts cannot be changed, but thoughts can be. Our thoughts can be tweaked. So I want you to know what you’re thinking about your DIL so that you can intentionally choose if you want to keep, or if you want to tweak those thoughts.
So now that you’ve done a DIL T or F (a daughter-in-law T or F). And you have a list of all the facts and thoughts that you have about your DIL. I want you to pick one of those, any one of those thoughts, that you don’t want to believe anymore. Pick one of them, okay.
I’m going to give you an example. Here’s a thought that I had about my DIL one time. I was thinking, “she’s not really thankful for what I do.” I thought this was true. I really didn’t think she was thankful for the things I did for her. And I was frustrated. Now thankfully, I’ve learned a lot about my mind since 2018, and I realized that this was a sneaky little thought and it was not serving me.
When I think “my DIL is not really thankful for what I do.” and I feel frustrated, these are a few of the things that I do. I judge her and how she’s not expressing thanks for what I think she should. I look for all the evidence of when she’s not showing thanks. I kind of withdraw. I pull back in what I do, and I don’t want to spend as much time with her, because I’m thinking she’s not really thankful anyway.
What do you think ends up happening? When I keep thinking that thought over and over and over. Well, I’m not appreciating what I do. I’m not thankful for what I do, and I’m trying to change my DIL, which I can’t even do. So this thought is not serving me, and it’s not true. It’s not a fact.
I have no idea if she’s thankful for what I do or not, and it really doesn’t matter. She could totally be thankful for something and forgot to mention it, or maybe she shows her thinks in another way.
So now that I’ve done, my DIL Thought or Fact, and I’m aware that I have this thought, and that it’s not serving me to keep it, then I can tweak it.
Instead of, “she’s not really thankful for what I do.” It could be, “DIL is thankful for what I do, she just shows it differently than me, and isn’t it beautiful that we’re all unique” or “I’m thankful for what I do, and it’s okay when DIL isn’t.” Do you see how we’re just wiggling that thought, and just this little tweak feels so much better.
So I want you to play with one of the thoughts, in your DIL Thought or Fact, that you did on the page. I just want you to play with it and see if there’s any way you can wiggle it. You can also bring it to Lovin Me, and we can talk about it any time. Bring it on one of our calls, or share about it in Ask A Coach, and let’s coach on it. Let’s explore it. Let’s see what’s going on, alright?
So try and do a DIL T or F often, or at least every time you notice some negative emotions come up about your DIL. See if you can uncover what is going on by noticing, what you are thinking, what’s a thought. And what is a fact, what is actually true?
And remember the question that is so helpful with anything that comes up with DIL: If I love me, And Then I love my DIL, would I keep or tweak this thought?
There’s a worksheet available with this video and transcript sharing DIL T or F. Use this, or your journal, or anything, to record and observe this new awareness about your Thoughts and your Facts.
You are creating a new Lovin My DIL groove. And the more you practice, the stronger, and deeper, and more natural, the connection to yourself and your DIL will be.
Remember to bring any questions, concerns, or situations to our Tuesday Calls. This is a beautiful opportunity for me to coach you on anything, especially on your thoughts about DIL. So come and use all of the resources that are available to you in Lovin My Daughter-in-law Program as well.
Alright, have a good one y’all ~ and here’s to Lovin Me and My DIL.