Me And Then DIL Transcript
Hey y’all ~ welcome to Me And Then DIL
This concept may seem a little out of order, which is why I want to teach you it. It’s actually not. Often in our interaction with our DIL, we put her needs first. Whatever she needs or wants, we want to make happen. This totally makes sense because as mamas of our son, we’re well practiced at putting their needs first too.
Now there’s nothing wrong with doing things for our DIL, even at times when it’s inconvenient for us. The problem is when we stop taking care of our needs and our desires, and we’re only trying to please her. No matter what we do for her, there will be times when she doesn’t like it, or agree, or whatever.
And we are not responsible for meeting our DIL needs just as she’s not responsible for meeting our needs. When our emotional happiness is directly tied to our DIL acting a certain way, or saying or doing a particular thing, we are only punishing ourselves.
So, just like we hear on the airplanes, to put your oxygen mask on first, and then you can put it on your loved ones around you. This is what I’m talking about when I say Me And Then DIL. When we love ourselves first, it makes loving our DIL so much easier, no matter what she’s doing or not doing.
How do we love ourselves, truly love ourselves then? Well, there’s an acronym that I created with the word LOVE that I want to teach you.
L is for Light. Every time you turn a light on or see the sunshine, tell yourself one thing you love about you. I do this every day. I turn a light on in the morning and say, LeAnn, I love your beautiful smile. Or LeAnn, that neck skin is getting a little more wrinkly than it used to be, but that’s okay, I love you anyway. Or, when I’m outside and I see the sunshine I’ll say, Hey LeAnn, great job for sending your DIL a text to check in with her, great job today.
So it doesn’t matter what it is, but telling yourself something you love about you every time you turn on a light or you see the light helps you practice loving yourself.
Now the O in our LOVE acronym is Open. Loving ourselves mean we’re open to trying new things. What’s one thing you’ve been wanting to try that you haven’t. Or something you know you love doing, and you want to do again. Be open to setting aside time every day to do something you love.
A few years ago, I took up tap dancing again. So I’m in this adult tap dance class that I love. And sometimes I try things that I’m like, hmmm, not so much, that’s okay. Just be open to trying something new.
V in our acronym is for Value. Remember, you are 100% lovable and valuable, all of the time, no matter what. Doesn’t matter what your DIL says, or does, or doesn’t do. You are a hundred percent valuable and lovable always.
Think about specific traits that you value. And if you’re not sure google values and I promise you a hundred will come up. These may be things like humor, curiosity, determination, optimism, spirituality, fun, honesty, growth, authenticity. Whatever they are, pick your top three values and notice how these values enhance your life.
And last in our acronym, is E for Empower. One of my life coaches, Jody Moore, teaches one of my favorite equations: Awareness + Acceptance = Empowered. You’re aware of what’s happening in your life, and you’re accepting where you are right now. Which is giving yourself the power and the love for you and your DIL to move forward. That’s empowered. The fact that you are here with that awareness and that acceptance and the empowerment you’re choosing, such a beautiful thing.
So there’s the LOVE acronym, to help you practice loving yourself. And after you practice Light, Open, Value, and Empower for you, I want you to do the two middle ones, the O and the V, for your DIL.
This is what I mean, for Open/O, how could you be more open to your DIL? Open to what she says or what she does. Open to maybe her way may be better this time. Or simply watching, how can I be more open with my DIL.
And then V for Value. What are three values that your DIL has, that you value too. Pick three of them that you notice in her, and how you appreciate those values too.
So, we have Me And Then DIL. We take care of our needs first, and we love us, so that we’re better able to love and show up for DIL in whatever way we choose.
Remember the question from the DIL Manual: If I loved Me And Then I loved my DIL, what would I do? Ask yourself this question as you’re practicing loving you, and your DIL.
Now there’s a worksheet available with this video and transcript sharing the LOVE acronym for you and your DIL. Use this, or journal, or anything, to record and observe this new awareness and acceptance that you’re developing, and the empowerment it’s giving you to move forward.
You are creating a new Lovin My DIL groove. And the more you practice, the stronger, deeper, and more natural the connection to yourself and your DIL will be.
Remember to bring any questions, concerns, or situations to our Tuesday Calls. This is a beautiful opportunity for me to coach you on anything, and use the many resources there that are available for you in Lovin My Daughter-in-law Program as well.
Alright, have a good one y’all ~ and here’s to Lovin Me and My DIL.