What if there isn’t one “right” way to live, love or believe?
Because every opinion is shaped by a lifetime of personal experiences.
Laura Plauche Johnson, wife, mom, and city council member, shares some beautiful wisdom on love, relationships, and leading with compassion.
Welcome to Lovin My Daughter-in-law podcast. I’m relationship expert and master certified coach LeAnn Austin. I’ll help you create more connection, love, and fun with others, yourself and your daughter-in-law.
Hey y’all, welcome to Lovin My Daughter-in-law, episode #180: Not Wrong or Right with Laura Plauche Johnson
I love observing and connecting with other humans, especially noting how they feel and implement love into their lives and their relationships.
We have the amazing Laura sharing some beautiful love and relationship insights with us today. All right Laura, tell us a little bit about you.
Hey LeAnn, thanks for having me. So, a little bit about me. I am 45 years old. I have been married to my husband for 25 years and we have five children who range from 19 to 7 years old. Wow. And I’m one of 10 kids.
I currently serve, I’m only in the second year, but I currently serve on our city’s council. So I was elected about a year and a half ago. So that keeps me busy.
Ah, which is so amazing. You do so many cool things, and I know I’ve only been to one city council meeting in my whole life, watching you do that. It was gold. So thank you for all the stuff you do. That’s cool. Oh, sure thing.
All right, so how do you incorporate love into your business and life, and how does that impact your relationships? You know, it’s a good question. I think because of what I do, it’s really, I have so much more exposure now to people and to people’s opinions.
And you know, I think sometimes in the past, if someone would ever give me an opinion that’s contrary to mine, you know, you have a knee jerk reaction to kind of justify yourself and want to explain yourself.
And now I’m in a, and before I did what I was doing, I think like knowing what was right and wrong was always a lot more evident than it is now. Now, no matter what I do, there is no right, there is no wrong because there are people on both sides of every issue, so it doesn’t matter. So I have to just do the best I can to make decisions.
And so what I’ve found is, because there is no right and there is no wrong, like no one else is right or wrong. Everybody has their own life experiences and everybody has their own opinions based on that. And so it’s just important to me to validate people in their space and where they’re coming from, and to seek that understanding from them, because no matter what side of any issue you’re on, your opinion is based on those life experiences.
So, you know, I think caring about people and seeking to have that understanding, really helps a lot. And not to take things personally. I think so many times we take an issue and we make it personal. Mm-hmm. And really, like, it’s not about me.
And so many times we have so many things. I mean, obviously more in common than we don’t, but a lot of times we let those differences divide us. And I think a lot of times we can focus because no matter, even if we’re on different sides of the issues, a lot of the root of our desires are the same. You know, I think that there’s always room there to build on those commonalities.
That is so beautifully said. So many things in there. The not right or wrong, the not personal. Yeah, and you just exemplify that. I know when I’m talking and interacting with you, it’s not gonna be a lot of drama. It’s gonna be, you know, just compassion, love, and not like getting all uptight about stuff. And I love and admire that about you. It’s awesome. Oh, thank you.
All right, so what is something that you love about you and why? Oh, okay. I remember seeing this question and I was like, this is so weird. What do I love about myself? But I was like, really?
It’s funny, this is such a funny question because honestly what I love about myself is the fact that I love myself. Ah, yes! Because we, watch Stan and I watch this show sometimes it’s called “Alone”. And it’s very interesting to watch this show because you’ll have men and you’ll have women who go out there and they have such a hard time and a lot of it is the psychological side of it.
And these guys, they so often go home because they wanna be with their families and they miss them. And you think of, I usually, this is a whole other discussion probably, but I always think of like women as being more social than men. And so it’s really interesting to see these men go out there and not do as well.
And you have these women who are like, they’re fine on their own. And I am like, please just give me that opportunity. Please give me an opportunity to go live on an island. And it’s interesting in the show, because they’re like, you really have to be okay with yourself to be out here alone. And I’m like, oh I can do that. That’s amazing.
And so maybe that sounds arrogant, but honestly I have learned in the past and from experiences that when we, I’ve been around people who I have thought are so amazing for different reasons and they’ll still be hard on themselves. And I’m like, do you understand that like what you have is amazing?
And so what I’ve realized is like, it doesn’t matter what I look like, it doesn’t matter how much money I have, someone will always have more money. Someone will always look better, someone will always look worse and wish they had that as that what I have, you know? So I’m like, the best thing to do is just be content.
So, truly like, I just like who I am. And that’s what I like about me. I love that beyond words, because that is what I teach and emphasize in everything, and I think that’s what so many things are tied to: when we love ourselves, it makes it so much easier to show up and love on others.
Oh, I don’t think you can love on others unless you love yourself. Exactly. Oh yeah, for sure. Exactly. Yeah, I love that you recognize that, because some people don’t even realize that. And they don’t realize when they’re beating up on themselves. So I love that. That is your superpower. That’s cool. Oh well, thanks. Yeah, that’s awesome.
All right, so I love talking about connection between others and ourselves, and I think the daughter-in-law, mother-in-law relationship are packed full of examples. So any thoughts about that relationship? Mother-in-law, daughter-in-law?
Well, you know I have, so I mean, everybody has their own mom, and then if you’re married, you have a mother-in-law.
I feel like I’ve been really lucky. Both Stan and I come from very good parents. Both of our parents have been very… they don’t meddle. None of them have ever meddled. And I think like anyone who’s married, it’s important to give them that sphere and that respect and let them go through all of the hard times and stuff.
Stan’s mom, she always said to her own children, if you come to me with an issue in your marriage, I will always side with the in-law. So she always just said like, I won’t ever be the cause of you getting a divorce. Now granted, like three of her children have gotten divorces. But, you know, so not to say like bad things won’t happen, but she wants to make sure she’s never the cause of that.
And also my mom, she’s passed away, but just always very supportive. I mean, the mother aspect, her philosophy was always like, teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves. So she did all she could while we were under her roof, but once we were gone, she’s like, it’s your life and it’s your choice.
And so I really think it just goes back to the relationship I was talking about earlier that you have with anybody. It’s just having that respect for them. Yeah. I love that not meddling piece of it, because I think often mother-in-laws or daughter-in-laws, they wanna meddle in everything and it’s like when we can take a step back and let situations be how they are, it’s amazing what happens.
Yeah, and family dynamics, I will say it, is the most interesting conversation when I’m around my friends and I get to hear about their experiences with their in-laws and stuff. Because I mean, mine’s pretty boring. Like I have good parents. Stan has good parents. They’ve always been very sweet, always supportive.
But it’s interesting that this is the topic of your podcast because good grief, are those the best stories to listen to? They are. So, I mean, I was just, I won’t say any names, but I was just talking to a friend today who has her in-laws in town and it’s just so interesting that dynamic.
And I think we as women, you know, we’re so protective of our own spheres. I will say I had a little bit of that with, so my oldest son, he’s adopted and when his birth mother, luckily also has always given us space, but she was here and she stayed with us for about three nights when he turned eight years old.
Now this is my 19-year-old, so this is over a decade ago, but I just remember she came in to our home. And suddenly it was kind of this attitude of, I know this child better than you do. And I was like, oh, you know, and so it’s very interesting whenever another, I mean, I would say particularly another woman comes in and thinks that they know better than the person that’s in that house of how things should be done.
And how quickly we just like rear back and like, you know, we, yeah. No one’s very accepting of that. Mm-hmm. For sure. And understandably, and just recognizing that to be like, okay, wait a minute, you know? Yeah. What’s going on here? Fascinating. Yeah. That is a fascinating area. So anything else that you’d like to share?
Just on this topic of love or, or just anything, I’ll have you share your quote in just a minute, but is there anything else that you’re like, oh yeah, on the topic of love, anything else that comes to mind?
Not at the moment, but I will say this. I have served in callings in my church where we serve and I grew up in. And sometimes, well, the rules were maybe different when I was younger than they are now. And I remember, you know, sometimes being, I wasn’t maybe judged but feeling unaccepted at activities because maybe my shorts were too short or things like that. And it made me feel like what I was wearing was more important than who I was. And it was a horrible feeling.
And so now I’m older and I’m in that leadership realm where I’ve been a leader in our youth program. I’ve been a leader at a camp for a large group of young womens, and I will just tell you like I am the person. There we still have people who wanna get wrapped up in, and I will say standards have changed where it’s a lot more based on the person and what they wanna do, which I think is phenomenal.
Yes. But I’m like, I don’t care if you show up naked. Yes, I do care. Like, I just want you to be there. I want you to be loved. I want you to feel accepted. And I think whenever you felt the opposite of that. And it’s not to any really fault of the leaders that I had. I think it was part of the culture at the time, and they were doing their best. I still love those women. I don’t hold anything against them, but you know, you sometimes you just don’t realize the effect that you cause.
And I remember feeling that and I just, you know, I just feel like I’ve seen other people, like we had an activity one night where a girl came straight from cheer practice and she had on short shorts and the leader, you know, of course, like trying to do her best to uphold standards, sent her home. And I’m like, I just can’t imagine like, how is that girl supposed to wanna come back when that’s how she’s treated.
And so I just, you know, and I will say this, and you’re about to ask me my favorite quote. Is that your next question? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay so, ’cause this, I think, like really transitions well into that and it’s by Thomas S. Monson and he says: “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”
So ultimately, loving that person is priority number one. Yes, you know, and always let it be priority number one. I heard another quote recently. “And when we strive to be right, we lose the relationship.” Yes, you know, so many times when we have an argument or we are on the other side of an issue from someone or there is a problem, like, good grief, do we wanna be right?
And we just want that Aha, I told you so, and you know, and we kind of glory in that. But like who on the other side of that is like: Well, I like you better now because you were right? Mmm, no one. No one cares that you’re right. They only know that they were wrong. And so when you, if that’s what your goal is, to be right, then you lose that relationship. That’s more important to you and the other person’s gonna feel it. Yeah.
I love so many things that you’ve just discussed, and thank you for bringing up the clothing issue because I think, what is kind of funny, I think growing up in that same era as well, we got a pool like 13, 14 years ago, and I remember, I have four boys, thinking: 0h no, what if girls come over and they’re wearing their bikini? What will that do to my boys? I was like, seriously LeAnn? I am so grateful that I now understand, like you said, they can be naked. Mm-hmm. Like last night, I was in the pool with my grandson in my bikini. It doesn’t matter. Like we get to choose whatever we choose to wear and it doesn’t affect or whatever. It has nothing to do with love. It’s like it, there’s so many things.
So thank you for bringing that up because we want people to be in a space, and I’m so sorry that you felt that growing up, that you could, you know, we wanna be where you can wear or not wear anything and it doesn’t matter. Yeah.
Well, and I think part of that too is also we have this fear, and I think so many times that we act on fear more than faith, but we have this fear of being judged. And I don’t, you know, it’s interesting how we care so much what other people think and that fear of being judged, you know, is what will drive us sometimes in our decision making.
And for me, like I’m not one who has a perfect house. If people come into my house, like, I almost want it to be slightly messy because I don’t want people to feel uptight or feel like they have to take their shoes off or things like that. Like, I want you to come into my house. I want you to feel comfortable.
And I know so many times people are so afraid of being judged and I just think like, you know, who did Christ really, who did he, the people that you know, like in the Bible, the ones that were being outcast or whatever, the ones that you know, were really disdained, I think by Christ, were the ones who were doing the judging, versus the one who was committing the sin, you know? And that’s who he showed love for. And so I’m like, if you’re gonna judge, like I might have a dirty house, but like you’re the one who’s judging.
And I feel like this was something when we first met LeAnn, there was something about an Oreo and judging. Do you remember this? No. It got a key chain and it had an Oreo on it. You don’t remember this? No. Do you swear? Can you tell me specifics? No, I don’t. I’m trying to remember. I think I’ll have to look back. I’m curious because I felt for sure that you would have it, but I felt like we had a conversation and it was something about judgment. And you kept an Oreo on your key ring. Is this right? Yes, because I remember the Oreo on my key ring, but I can’t remember the specifics. Yes, but I swear it had something to do with being with judgment.
Okay. So, I’m like, oh surely you’re a member of this, ’cause I know it was, I feel like it was one of the very first conversations that I ever had with you when we first met. Okay. I’m gonna have to reflect on that. Yeah. Because that would be a great thing. And I’ll find an Oreo to put back on my key ring. I’m like, what did that represent? What did that Oreo represent? Yeah. Well, and I dunno.
Yeah, and loving feels so much better than judging. Oh my goodness. So much better. Like, yeah, it’s interesting the people who thrive on judging, you know, we talk about trying to understand people. Let me tell you like that is when I just have a hard time. Yeah, the people who just, you know, have, that’s what fuels them, is just, you know, putting others down to like build themselves up. Yeah.
Well, I love that quote: “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved”, because just going back to the basis of everything that love and compassion that we feel, not only for ourselves, but for others. Hmm. Something to think about. So good, yeah, for sure.
Thank you Laura. Thank you so much for being here. I love your insight and wisdom and all you’re doing for everyone around you, your family, your church, your community, like you are a rockstar and I appreciate all you do. Well, thanks for having me.
Ah, well here’s to, not right or wrong, connection and love. Have a good one y’all.
Thanks so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode and want to create more fun connection and love in your relationships, check out my Connection Crew membership, and One-on-One coaching programs. This is where I share practical strategies to help you deepen your relationships
Plus, I’ve got some fun free goodies that you won’t wanna miss.
If you are ready to transform your connections from the inside out, start with my free Connection Blueprint, your easy three step guide to connecting with yourself and others on a whole new level.
And here’s a bonus, if you are looking to strengthen your bond with your daughter-in-law, grab my One Question that will instantly boost the love and understanding in your relationship.
All the details, including your free Connection Blueprint and that powerful One Question are here or at leannaustin.com.
Don’t wait. Start creating those deeper, more meaningful connections today.