Do you often feel like a victim and that life is chaotic most of the time?
Take a listen to resolve a lot of those painful feelings and create more connection and love with yourself and others.
Welcome to Lovin My Daughter-in-law Podcast. I’m relationship expert and master certified coach LeAnn Austin. I’ll help you create more connection, love and fun with others, yourself and your daughter-in-law.
Hey y’all, welcome to Lovin My Daughter-in-law, episode #154: Clean versus Dirty Pain
Do you or someone you love get offended easily and blow things way out of proportion? Do you often feel like a victim and that life is chaotic most of the time?
I know I’ve felt this way and I’m guessing you probably have too. Let me help you clean this up a bit, resolve a lot of painful feelings you have and create a life of more fun, love and connection.
Basically, there are two categories of pain: clean pain and dirty pain.
Clean pain is the natural, unavoidable pain that comes from events like loss. It’s rooted in the present and is a natural part of healing and growth.
For example, grieving the loss of a loved one, feeling sadness after a breakup or experiencing regret over a mistake.
Clean pain is temporary and tends to diminish as we process and accept the experience.
Now, dirty pain is the additional suffering we create by resisting, avoiding, or ruminating on clean pain. It’s tied to thoughts, judgments, or fears that amplify the hurt.
For example, blaming yourself endlessly for a mistake, obsessively replaying a past event, or fearing that future situations will turn out badly.
Dirty pain is often prolonged and exasperated by negative thought patterns.
Let me give you a few examples:
Clean pain would be grieving a friend moving away. Dirty Pain is thinking, they’re going to forget about me, or I’ll never have a close friend again.
Another one, clean pain, feeling frustrated when trying to learn a new skill, and failing repeatedly. Dirty pain thinking, I’ll never get this right, or comparing yourself negatively to others.
Another one, clean pain, mourning the loss of a loved one because they were important to you. Dirty pain, telling yourself, I should have done more, or I’ll never recover from this.
Another one, clean pain, grieving changes in your body due to aging or illness. Dirty pain, telling yourself, I’m worthless because I’m not as strong or as capable as I used to be.
And last example, clean pain, acknowledging anger towards someone who has hurt you. Dirty pain would be holding on to resentment and imagining scenarios of revenge.
Now remember, clean pain is natural and temporary, directly tied to the situation. Dirty pain is added suffering fueled by unhelpful thoughts or avoidance. Recognizing the difference allows us to process clean pain and let go of dirty pain more effectively.
If we want to take action to change our lives and suffer less, then we want to be aware of the of when our suffering is, in some part, caused by us, a.k.a. dirty pain, and when our pain is a natural and normal part of being alive, a.k.a. clean pain.
If you want to dive into this more, try this. Grab something to write with and make two columns, one with clean pain at the top and the other side with dirty pain. Then, think of a recent challenging situation you had. Write down the clean pain. For example, I felt sad when my friend canceled plans. Then in the second column, identify the dirty pain thoughts you may have added onto the clean pain, such as, they probably don’t like me anymore, or anything else that comes up for you.
As we bring awareness to the pain we’re feeling, and accept ourselves right where we’re at, we are so much more empowered. This lessens the dirty pain and helps us feel, process, and move on from the clean pain.
In my Connection Crew membership, I teach you so many ways to understand when you’re creating your own suffering and how to let that go, exercises to strengthen your nervous system, how to be your own best friend, build real connections, and embrace life’s magic.
This is so powerful when it comes to eliminating the dirty and useless pain from our lives. And beautifully handling the clean pain, which is part of our human experience.
Join us in Connection Crew if you’re ready to create more fun and love than you ever imagined possible.
I love this quote from Haruki Murakami: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” Hmm, something to think about.
Here’s to clean pain, less dirty pain, connection and love. If this podcast resonates with you, pass it on to someone who might love it too. And leave a quick review to help our connection crew community grow. Have a good one y’all.
Thanks so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode and want to create more fun, connection and love into your relationships, check out my Connection Crew Membership and One-on-One Coaching programs. This is where I share practical strategies to help you deepen your relationships.
Plus, I’ve got some fun free goodies that you won’t want to miss.
If you’re ready to transform your connections from the inside out, start with my free Connection Blueprint, your easy three step guide to connecting with yourself and others on a whole new level.
And here’s a bonus. If you’re looking to strengthen your bond with your daughter-in-law, grab my One Question that will instantly boost the love and understanding in your relationship.
All the details, including your free Connection Blueprint and that powerful One Question are in the show notes or at leannaustin.com. Don’t wait! Start creating those deeper, more meaningful connections today.
