What does the word boundary mean to you?
I believe a boundary is something you do for yourself from a place of love. It doesn’t create distance, instead it allows for a more honest connection between you and your daughter-in-law.
In Lovin My Daughter-in-law Program for August, I’ll help you create and implement boundaries with your DIL or anyone you care about. Join me HERE
Welcome to Lovin My Daughter-in-law Podcast, where my mother-in-law, relationship expert and master certified coach LeAnn Austin, will help you create more love and connection with your daughter-in-law and everyone else who care about.
Hey y’all, you’re listening to Lovin My Daughter-in-law, episode #78: Boundaries
What comes up for you when you hear the word boundaries? Some of you, it may be interesting and you may be curious about it, and others, ugh, boundaries. Well, Henry Cloud says, “boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for, gives me freedom.”
So as we’re strengthening our relationships with our daughter-in-law or anyone, we want to establish boundaries. A boundary is something you do for yourself from a place of love. It doesn’t create distance. Instead, it allows for a more honest connection between you and your daughter-In-law. This is your own emotional border, and it’s your job to maintain and enforce that border when necessary.
A boundary includes a request you make of your daughter-in-law, or whoever, to change a certain behavior, and a consequence of what you will do to self-protect if she violates the boundary again. Now, very important that you make the request of your daughter-in-law from a loving place. Don’t make boundaries when you’re angry.
You are setting this boundary because you love your daughter-in-law, not because you are trying to control or change her. This may be a difficult conversation and she may not like it. You are creating a boundary because you value your relationship with her, and this is very important to tell her as well.
Remember also, you are making a request, not a demand. You can’t make your daughter-in-law do anything. You simply make the request because your chances are a lot higher of her changing when you tell her what you want instead of just silently hope that she’ll change.
Let me give you an example. Maybe your daughter-in-law frequently calls or texts you late at night. You could interpret this as disrespectful and wrong, or you could decide to set a simple boundary. Hey daughter-in-law, I love you so much, and because I love you and I value our relationship, I like to make a request of you.
I enjoy talking to you. However, I get tired at night and I like to go to bed by 9:00. So, moving forward, I will not be answering your calls or text after 9:00 PM. I’m not mad or upset at you. I just really need my sleep. You’re welcome to call or text me during the day and I’ll answer when I can, but I’m no longer going to answer or respond late at night. This simple boundary allows daughter-in-law to be who she wants to be and behave how she wants to behave, while allowing you to protect yourself, your emotions, and your time.
You may be like, wait LeAnn, she’s still calling and texting late at night. The most important part when setting up a boundary from a place of love, is to follow through on the consequences you decide on. This is often the part we skip. We tell our daughter-in-law about our boundary, and then when she’s not honoring it, we don’t do the action we said we do.
Our daughter-in-law doesn’t have to honor our boundary request, but in order to honor ourselves and our emotional space, we do want to take the action we stated we would do. The action that you take isn’t designed to punish daughter-in-law. It’s simply to protect you. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, but you must consistently follow through if you want to gain back your emotional space.
So in the example I shared with daughter-in-law calling or texting late, you do not answer or respond to your phone late at night.
Having a boundary conversation can be uncomfortable and challenging, and it is the beautiful work of true intimacy. Taking care of and honoring yourself rather than expecting your daughter-in-law to do it for you, requires you to become a higher version of yourself. Allowing daughter-in-law to own her emotions and to feel however she wants, also requires you to access your higher self.
Remember, the most important thing to think about when setting a boundary is to set it from a place of love. If you’re frustrated or angry, you’ll want to work through those emotions before you do any boundary setting.
In Lovin My Daughter-in-law program for August, we are focusing on boundaries. Let me help you create and implement loving boundaries with your daughter-in-law, or anyone you care about. I’ll help you take responsibility for your own emotions rather than giving your daughter-in-law that power. Join Lovin My Daughter-in-law program and let’s create more fun and connection with your daughter-in-law today.
I love this quote from Brene Brown: “Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” Hmm, something to think about.
Have a good one y’all, and here’s to boundaries and love.
If this resonates with you, please share the podcast with a friend and leave a review.
If you enjoy this podcast, check out LeAnn’s Lovin My Daughter-in-law program, where she coaches and teaches a variety of ways to have more fun and connection in our relationships. LeAnn also shares the five secrets she uses to create a beautiful relationship with me and her other daughter-in-law. She’s the real deal. I highly recommend you check this out.
And if you want one easy question, you can keep in your back pocket and use to increase the love you feel for your daughter-in-law today, go to leannaustin.com and get the one question.
