Are you “shoulding” all over yourself?
You’re listening to the Love Tidbits Podcast, where you’ll discover a small, tasty, delightful, bite-sized tibit of love ~ I’m your host, LeAnn Austin
Hey y’all, welcome to Love Tidbits, episode #37: Should
I’ve noticed the word should come up often in conversation with other people, and I used to use it a lot on myself as well. Often it’s used as a way to motivate ourselves or to express feelings such as frustration, guilt, and regret. I used to should all over myself about countless things, until I realized that telling myself I should be doing more, or being more, wasn’t actually helping me do more or be more. In fact, it did the opposite. It left me feeling like I wasn’t enough.
I noticed when I used the word should when talking to myself, it wasn’t loving me, and accepting me right where I am now. I also realized that when I told my boys or husband that they should or shouldn’t do something, I wasn’t appreciating their ability to make the best decisions for themselves. And this is not the kind of mom or wife I want to be.
When we think we should do something, it often feels like we don’t have the choice to do what we want to do. I like that we have agency to do countless things, and using the word should seems to lessen our ability to choose for ourselves.
So my challenge to y’all, notice how often you tell yourself you should be, or should say, or should do something. And notice too, if you tell others they should as well. As you become aware of this word in your vocabulary, try changing should to I could, or I choose. Let me know what comes up for you, and how this increases the love you feel for yourself and others, as we replace our shoulds with what we truly desire and choose.
I love this quote from Kelly Corbet: “Shoulds’ come only from leftover thinking. If we are truly in this moment (the only one there really is), we don’t should on ourselves. It’s a great freedom. Next time you feel a should coming at you, ask yourself if it really belongs to you!” Hmmm, something to think about.
Have a good one y’all, and here’s to not shoulding yourself or others, and to love.
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If you would like to become an expert at loving yourself, check out my Lovin Me Program @leann.jennielakenan.com.
