Could conflict really be connection?
100% yes!
Welcome to Lovin My Daughter-in-law Podcast. I’m relationship expert and master certified coach LeAnn Austin. I’ll help you create more connection, love and fun with others, yourself and your daughter-in-law.
Hey y’all, you’re listening to Lovin My Daughter-in-law, episode #149: Conflict Is Connection
What do you think of this statement: Conflict is Connection? I recently heard this from Dr. Julie Gottman. Her and her husband, Dr. John Gottman, have been married for over 35 years. Both of them are psychologists, and their research based therapy aims to help couples build stronger relationships.
Julie expands saying: “Conflict is connection. It’s how we figure out who we are, what we want, who our partners are, who they are becoming, and what they want.”
As I was thinking about this more, it really resonated with me and my relationships. Conflict isn’t inherently negative, it’s a natural part of human interaction.
Conflict highlights our differing needs, our values, and our perspectives. Conflict is an opportunity for us to connect as we learn more about ourselves and others.
Conflict involves talking, and talking is a form of connection. If people didn’t care, they wouldn’t argue, they’d walk away. The fact that they stay engaged shows the bond that exists, even in disagreements. Now disagreements arise from caring about the same issue, but seeing it differently. Even in conflict, people are connected by shared goals or values.
I also like to think about this as rupture and repair. Strong relationships have ruptures and repairs. Conflict and reconciliation is an essential part of trust and intimacy.
Here are a few metaphors to think about.
Think about a broken bone. When healed, it becomes stronger at the point of the fracture. Similarly, a relationship becomes more resilient after working through a conflict and repairing it, deepening the bond.
Another metaphor is to compare your relationships to gardens. Weeds, aka ruptures, will always appear. But tending to the garden by pulling out the weeds and caring for the plants, aka repairing, makes it flourish. Neglecting the garden can lead to overgrowth and decay, but constant care, or repair, can actually strengthens it.
And one more metaphor. One other way to view this, think about trust as a muscle. A muscle grows stronger through repeated use and stretching. Ruptures are like little tears in that muscle, and repair is the process of rebuilding it. Over time, this makes your muscle and trust more durable in your relationships.
So remember that conflict is connection. That ruptures are inevitable in relationships, and it’s the repair process that matters most. This is how we learn about each other’s needs, communication styles, and vulnerabilities through these moments of conflict, which helps us strengthen the relationship.
I love this quote from Jeff Brown: “Conflict isn’t the adversary of connection. It takes courage, wisdom, and integrity to stay and work through conflict. You can’t grow love if you run away from everything.” Hmm, something to think about.
Here’s to conflict, connection, rupture, repair and love. Have a good one, y’all.
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Thanks so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode and want to create more fun connection and love into your relationships, check out my Connection Crew membership and one on one coaching programs. This is where I share practical strategies to help you deepen your relationships.
Plus, I’ve got some fun free goodies that you won’t want to miss.
If you’re ready to transform your connections from the inside out, start with my free Connection Blueprint. Your easy three step guide to connecting with yourself and others on a whole new level.
And here’s a bonus. If you’re looking to strengthen your bond with your daughter-in-law, grab my One Question that will instantly boost the love and understanding in your relationship.
All the details, including your free Connection Blueprint and that powerful One Question are in the show notes or at leannaustin.com.
Don’t wait! Start creating those deeper, more meaningful connections today!
