Wanting People to Do Things My Way

DWQA QuestionsCategory: QuestionsWanting People to Do Things My Way
meganb433 asked 4 months ago
I keep noticing that I want people to be different. Today we are going to visit my brother. We will be driving. My schedule is free so I can leave as soon as my husband finishes work. This morning I assumed he would pack so we can leave the minute he is done with work. I didn't say this to him. But, he said on his own, "I'm going to pack when I get home today and then we can leave." I said, "Oh, I thought you'd pack now so we can leave as soon as you're done with work." He said that wasn't his plan and he was going to do it later. I accepted that this is how it would be, but I kept thinking about it all morning. I know it's not a big deal, but I still feel stuck on this thought, "My plan is perfect. He should have packed this morning. I like my plan better than his." Those thoughts are making me feel frustration and like something has gone wrong since he didn't do things the way I think they should have been done. This same pattern is happening at work in a group project. Other people are working on it, but I don't always like what they're doing. I am not their boss so I don't feel like I have any control over the situation. Since I know I can't change them, what can I do to feel less of an urge or pressure to fix something in these scenarios?
1 Answers
2leann answered 4 months ago

Great awareness and so natural for us to want others to do things our way and be different.

Notice your thoughts, “My plan is perfect or my plan is better than his.”  Totally makes sense that you’d feel frustrated, and you are “shoulding” on yourself and others.

Take some time to question your thought.  Is your plan really perfect or better?  Is there any part of his plan that would be okay too?

Also think about, what if there was nothing to “fix”.  What if there are lots of ways to do this rather than just your way?

Let the frustration be there and feel it, AND start wiggling your thoughts.  How could you get curious about the way your husband would like to do this?  How could you show up with love and compassion for you and for him?

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