Welcome to Lovin My Daughter-in-law Podcast. I’m relationship expert and master certified coach LeAnn Austin. I’ll help you create more connection and fun with others, especially your daughter-in-law.
Hey y’all, you’re listening to Lovin My Daughter-in-law, episode #125: If I Knew, I’d Do
I had one of my cute daughter-in-law clients share with me how her mother-in-law kept asking her if she was coming to an upcoming family event. The daughter-in-law already had plans, and this was really not going to work out for her schedule. She sort of answered her mother-in-law’s question about not attending, but was very hesitant and vague.
Then, the daughter-in-law started to avoid her mother-in-law and not respond to her texts and calls. She was worried about upsetting her mother-in-law and thought she needed to be grateful and try and figure out a way to go to the activity. Eventually, this could no longer be avoided, and the daughter-in-law finally told the mother-in-law that unfortunately, she wouldn’t be able to come.
The daughter-in-law said that her mother-in-law was disappointed. However, she asked her to please tell her the first time she asked what the situation was and why it wouldn’t work for her so they could work something out rather than not responding to her texts or avoiding her.
This cute daughter-in-law is growing the love she feels for herself and her mother-in-law and realized that if she knew that she can just tell her mother-in-law what’s happening for her rather than tiptoeing around, avoiding her, and not showing up how she really wants. Simply knowing this changes what she’ll do moving forward.
We often hear that hindsight is 20/20, meaning that it’s much easier to understand or evaluate something after it has happened, but it can be difficult to predict or understand beforehand. The expression comes from the idea that perfect vision, represented by 20/20, allows us to see things clearly. In hindsight, we often have a clearer understanding of past events, because we have the benefit of knowing the outcome and can analyze the situation with more information and perspective. When we look back on events with hindsight, we may see mistakes, missed opportunities, or better courses of action that were not apparent at the time.
This clarity often makes it seem as though the correct decision or action should have been obvious. Hence the expression, hindsight is 20/20. However, in the moment, when we lack complete information or are influenced by emotions, biases, or other factors, making the best decision for us can be challenging.
In our relationships, especially the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law one, getting as much information as possible helps in maintaining open communication, ensuring our needs are met, and increasing the love we feel for our mother-in-law, our daughter-in-law, or anyone that we care about. Hence, if I knew, I’d do.
Here are seven things to help us know more. Which in turn will help us do what we really want and not walk on eggshells around those that we love.
First, be clear and direct. Clearly communicate what you want or need from your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. Use assertive language and avoid beating around the bush. Be specific about your desires and why they are important to you.
Number two, choose the right time and place. Timing and setting can significantly impact how your message is received. Choose a time when both of you are calm and receptive and in somewhat of a private setting. Avoid bringing up important issues during moments of tension and stress.
Number three, use I statements. Frame your statements using I instead of you to express your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. For example, say, I feel or I would like instead of you never or you always.
Number four, listen actively. Communication is a two way street. After expressing your desires, listen actively to your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law’s perspective without interrupting or dismissing her feelings. Show empathy and try to understand her point of view.
Number five, be open to compromise. Relationships often require compromise and negotiation. Be willing to listen to the other’s needs. And find agreeable solutions that meet both of your desires to strengthen the relationship.
Number six, set boundaries. Clearly define your boundaries and communicate them when needed. Boundaries from a place of love can help in situations with those that we care about. Remember, a boundary is something that you will do if the request is not honored. Be sure to follow through on what you say you’ll do.
Number seven, be patient and persistent. Effective communication takes time and practice. Be patient with your mother-in-law, or your daughter-in-law, and yourself as you navigate difficult conversations and work towards better understanding and connection. Keep the lines of communication open and continue to advocate for your needs in a respectful and constructive manner.
And a bonus tip. If you’re struggling to communicate the way you like in your relationships, Consider getting a coach. We get coaches to help us with our physical goals or learning new things. It’s so beneficial to get help strengthening our mental and emotional muscles, too. I love connecting with amazing women to bring awareness to what they’re thinking and feeling, and the effect this has on their relationships. As well as offering lots of tools to improve these relationship dynamics with others and themselves.
So join me in our Connection Crew Program or Hybrid Program with One-on-One coaching to really increase the love that you feel for others and for you.
I love this quote from Maya Angelou. “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” Hmm, something to think about.
Have a good one y’all, and here’s to if I knew, I’d do, fun, connection, and love.
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If you enjoyed this podcast, take a look at my Connection Crew Program and One-on-One coaching options by checking out the show notes in those programs. I teach and coach a variety of ways to have more fun and connection in your relationships. I also share how I have created a beautiful relationship. with my daughters-in-law.
And if you want one easy question you can keep in your back pocket and use to increase the love you feel for your daughter-in-law today, go to leannaustin.com and get the one question.
